A series of inside jokes for writers who know how to laugh about themselves. This book will be updated when time permits, so keep coming back for more...
Copyright © 2014
Years after publishing a bestseller that is now compulsory reading in English class, but was his only book that ever had any modicum of success, John Storywriter asked his agent if there had been any interest in his latest novel.
“I’ve got good news and bad news,” the agent replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all the rights to your novel for quite a nice sum.”
“That’s wonderful!” John exclaimed, “What’s the bad news?”. With concern, the agent replied, “The guy was your doctor’s husband.”
After promising to register for rehab, John Storywriter, an alcoholic writer was given a last chance by his publisher. The deal with his publisher is finalized with a lawyer: John gets a nice advance for a novel but has to pay it all back if he drink a single sip of alcohol before handing over his completed manuscript. As soon as he’s out of rehab, John goes back home and writes beautifully, never even thinking about having a drink.
Four months later, he’s finishing the first draft of the promised novel while sitting in his kitchen preparing a sandwich when the phone rings. His 4 years old daughter answers the phone just as he begins struggling with the ketchup bottle. “It’s the publisher, Dad,” she says before adding to the agent on the phone “Daddy can’t come to the phone right now. He’s hitting the bottle.”
John Storywriter, a wannabe writer, gets fed up with all the comments denying he’s a real artist, and so he decides to show them all and become a musician.
He visits his local music shop, and spends an hour looking around and deliberating.
“Right!” he says, after an eternity. “I’ll have the shiny red one, and the accordion thing over there”.
“Well, that is rather unusual” says the Music Shop Manager, ” Yet, you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator is staying where it is.”
Melanie’s husband John Storywriter has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night.
One night, John comes to and motions for her to come closer.
He says, “My Mel, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got writer’s block, you were there to support me. When my computer got stolen with my manuscript in it and no back ups, you were there. When I you were by my side. When my agent told me he was giving up on me, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what, Mel?”
“What dear?” she asked gently.
“I think you’re bad luck.”
Lauren is telling her best friend Janice how her first date with handsome John Storywriter, the wannabe writer, went. “He took me to a nice restaurant where we had a great meal,” says Leah. “But then, as soon as we left the restaurant, he asked me whether we could both go back to my apartment.”
“So what did you tell him?” asks Janice, excitedly. “I told him NO,” replies Lauren. “I said that my mother would do a great deal of worrying if I did anything like taking a new date back to my apartment.”
“And how did John respond to that?” asks Janice. “He just refused to take NO for an answer,” replies Lauren, “and kept on and on charming me with poetry and haiku to try to get me to take us back to my apartment.”
“I hope you didn’t weaken,” says Janice, “because knowing your mother, she really would blow up if you gave in to this new date of yours.” “No, Janice, I didn’t give in to his cheap tricks ,” says Lauren. “But in the end, I agreed to go back to his apartment – I thought it would be far better to let his mother do the worrying.”
This book will be updated when time constraints allow, so keep coming back for more….
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