book report: three men in a boat (to say nothing about the dog)

report by amiel krantz

three men in a boat (to say nothing about the dog) is a novel written by Jerome Kalpaka Jerome (published in 1889) detailing the casual misadventures of three men Jerome, Harris and George when they decide to take a 2 week long boating vacation on the Thames river. the book is a mixture of comedy, commentary and slice of life. i really like this book because in one page you can have a heartfelt poetry about the human nature, in the next you can have (suprisingly) detailed description of the local enviorment and in the next page its a humerous skit yet the reading will still feel fluid without any flaws in the pacing. i have chosen to do my book report on this book in particular because my father recommended it.

book source: paper book

main character of view of the story: Jerome

point of view of the diary: MONTMORENCY (Monty)

monty is jeromes dog, the book describes monty as a force of chaos such as:

“Montmorency’s ambition in life, is to get in the way and be sworn at. If he can squirm in anywhere where he particularly is not wanted, and be a perfect nuisance, and make people mad, and have things thrown at his head, then he feels his day has not been wasted.” -jerome, chapter 4.

chapters 1, 2, 3 & 4:

Today the humans (Jerome, George, and Harris) had a lengthy discussion, a very long one. They didn’t even bring snacks (for me)! From my little understanding of “humanese”, they appear to be talking about their health issues. Humans these days are sooooo sensitive.

On second thought, I shouldn’t’ve said that. Now they want to go on a vacation, no less a vacation, a boating vacation on a river! Oh heavens, I tried to object, but my complaints fell on deaf ears.

The following day, the humans planned the vacation. While they discussed their plans for the vacation, I devised a plan. I cannot go on the vacation. I hate anything water-based, so I must deter them from taking me with them at all costs.

Oh, there’s a plan. Maybe after some consideration, I will not be able to stay at home. Jerome will not allow it. But since I have to go, I’ll make the preparations and journey as cumbersome and unyielding for the humans as possible. Hmm, that big pile of food and supplies does seem important. It would be a shame if I sat on it. I saw George slip on some butter, so I took advantage of the moment and sat on the pile. This moment didn’t last long though because Jerome scared me off the pile. He was angrier than ever as it seemed and causing more roccus doesn’t sound like a good idea.

Chapters 5, 6, 7 & 8:

We finished packing yesterday, but we woke up late. I could hear that none of the humans were extremely happy, mostly Harris, who began cursing George as soon as he realized what time it was. Apparently, he was supposed to wake us up, but the “watch” was broken. I swear human devices are weird and unchewable, but mostly weird. Anyhow, the humans did their morning doings (which I still find strange and exasperating). We collected our things and went out to get a “carriage” to someplace called “Kings Cross”.

A short while later, Jerome hit me with every insult and curse I heard for trying to chase some damn squirrels off our lawn. Doesn’t he understand that I have emotions as well? All those insults can really hurt a dog emotionally. This will surely come back to bite him. I’ll make sure of it personally.

While the humans were talking about George’s disappearance and his “job” and “the banking system,” and I was internally monologuing about my revenge plot against Jerome, a small crowd had amassed around us. Maybe all that luggage and baggage has drawn some attention. Jerome and Harris tried to restrain me about 600 more times due to all the cats that were in the crowd. I swear to dog-god that the cats were up to no good and were created by Dog-Satan himself to torment us all (along with squirrels). On a completely unrelated note, the carriage came, and we made our way to “Kings Cross.”

After waiting a little while in a room (which moved a lot), we finally arrived at King’s Cross. It was a weird place. There were long, metal snakes that people got in and out of. I really wanted to enter the big red snake, but Jerome just took me elsewhere. We climbed some stairs to a room after he and Harris talked for a long time and met some funny-hatted humans who seemed very important. I was so enthralled by his hat that I couldn’t even cause any trouble the whole conversation. We barely made it on time. Jerome gave someone a shiny piece of metal and told him something. We boarded the big snake (which was quite comfortable inside) and went on to our destination, where we boarded a boat. Here my plan begins!

While we were beginning our journey down the river, Harris and Jerome were talking about things. A lot of things I couldn’t understand or simply didn’t want to. I was so bored that I began walking around the boat. Suddenly, some water splashed over me, and I did what every logical dog would do, which was to run as far away from the source of the splashing as possible, which turned out to be the other side of the boat. This managed to annoy Harris and Jerome, mainly because I knocked over one of the baskets and all its contents spilled out. Later that day, George came with some fancy clothes in fabulous colors, although I do think it’s a little bit funny.

Later that same hour, the humans got into an argument of some sort. I didn’t really listen. All I know is that George’s name was said a lot, and there was a lot of shouting. I was more focused on the environment. Maybe this boat trip isn’t that bad. We met another human a couple of hours after that. They talked, they laughed, but nothing much happened. Sometimes I wish I could understand “humanese” or whatever their language is called. That could have been interesting. Maybe I could retaliate against Jerome for all the curses and swears he hurled at me. That would’ve been funny.

We sailed down the river, mostly uninterrupted, until we met land again and docked for the evening. At first, it was very pleasing to touch, and we ate dinner on the cloth. There was a little bit of struggle from the human side, as they tried to break open some kind of cylindrical metal box. Later that same hour, the humans tried to deploy another thing. This time it was a set of wires and clothes that they tried to put on the boat in a strange manner. It was hilarious to watch them fail to construct a “tent” over the boat. Of course, I got in between every leg in the vicinity. At first, it was hilarious until everyone started shouting. Then I decided to stop.

After all that mess, we went to “bed” in the boat, and I immediately fell asleep.

[as the chapters progress there begins to be less to talk about Monty side]

chapters 11, 12, 13 & 14

Somehow I ended up on Harris’ chest. Well, that wasn’t that bad until he woke me up by launching me to the other side of the boat. Someone gave a new definition to explosive wakeup. I briefly went back to sleep when the sound of splashing water woke me up again. Apparently, Jerome fell into the water, poor guy. Humans did some human things, and we sailed again in our humble boat, which is about to be our home for the foreseeable future.

the rest of the day was pretty uneventful, for me at the least.

still wish I could understand humanese

The next day was pretty normal as well. Other than my encounter with a very polite cat, I probably shouldn’t have embarrassed myself so much in front of them. It was a unique learning experience. That cat was actually very polite, a homecat for sure, not one of those filthy street cats I meet all the time. Some of them are still hell-spawn, but maybe a little more polite than I originally thought, or at least some of them.

Although kettles are actual hellspawn, one of them tried to attack me today. I’m pretty sure he planned that from the beginning. After he realized I started having fun on this voyage, all he wanted to do was sabotage me. Oh my, I swear these kettles are up to no good.

chapters 15, 16, 17, 18, 19

We were approaching the end of the vacation, and it was clear the humans were losing interest in the vacation faster than I was. So we swiftly ended it, not too far from where we began it. and went to a nearby city to spend the day.

The most significant events of the “vacation” were: George breaking a fake fish, Jerome keeping me from pursuing all the little creatures we spotted, Harris being Harris, and us completing the journey with a lavish meal and a vow to never go on another boating trip ever again.

In conclusion, this vacation is a 7/10 on the monty scale.

There are a lot of small creatures to pursue, but a lot of restraints on doing so.

Very comfortable sleeping accommodations, as well as excellent dining.

It is sometimes a little wet, but that is OK.

[personal rating]

This book is very funny and a unique experience for sure, since it was written in the 1800’s. It is a good opportunity to expand your dictionary and learn about life 150 years ago.

I rate this book a 9/10. One point is deducted for sometimes being confusing.