Red Cheeks

Once upon a time, there was an arrogant and alcoholic woman. She hung around the different pubs of the city to participate at intense battles of alcohol resistance. In spite of the hundreds shot glasses she had swallowed, she always had won the battles, and was called “The Queen”. She had won a lot of money, and had bought a castle. In her diabolical dwelling, she had an evil magic mirror. She could ask any questions she wanted, the looking glass always answered. One day, after she had won a battle after seventeen bottles, she asked this question:
“Mirror, mirror my dear, who is the most alcoholic?”
“The winner in this category is indisputably Red Cheek, the champion of the most popular pub in the neighboring town,” answered the mirror in a mechanical voice.
The Queen went raging mad. And she screamed coldly:
“I will clash her in the most heated battle that the country has ever seen!!!”
A short while later, the evil Queen arrived in Vodka Town.

As the Queen was searching for her, Red Cheek and her purple cheeks were singing in her house:
“She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie, cocaine,” repeated she, like a litany.
Suddenly, someone knocked at her door. She went to the doorway and admitted the mysterious person.
It was the Queen. An incredibly powerful lightning blown the leaves into the house. And an amazing background music resonated.
Ten minutes later, both were become the best friends of the world. Anyway, to all appearances…
At the end of the interview, the Queen insisted to give her a big Apple as red as red wine.
“No, I can’t accept it,” refused Red Cheek in a hoarse voice.
“Yes, all the better to be happy with, my dear,” repeated the Queen, as sly as the sky is blue.
“Okay, but it’s just to please you,” gave the gentle girl in to the Queen’s obstinacy.
As soon as she had crunched a piece of the fruit, the Queen laughed wickedly.
“What? Are you laugh at me?” asked the girl, surprised.
The Queen got back serious and said with a serious tone of voice:
“Sorry.”
She left Red Cheek to go in the pub where the planned battle will take place.

Over there, she was surprised by the warm up act in the pub: seven pretty dwarves where dancing in flimsy outfit. A certain softness in their eyes fascinated her. She sat in a seat in front of Red Cheek’s reserved one. And she waited for her rival. That was her plan: to stand around thirty bottles and to count on the drawback of Red Cheek to win the battle. Because the apple given to the girl was actually… very high in alcohol content! Satisfied, her evil eyes gave way to the dwarves viewing. A kind of wildness in their smile was captivating her until the pub door slammed behind the silhouette of Red Cheek. The crowd kept quiet. And the bar owner announced:
“Let bring them the shot glasses!”
A small hundreds of glasses were leaved on the table.
“Let the battle… BEGINS!!!”

They drank. They absorbed. They swallowed. They gulped down. They pumped. They slaked their thirst. They got sloshed, got soaked, got blotto, got drunk, became inebriated, saturated.
And the Queen came tumbling down like a house of cards (or rather like a decrepit cane toad).
Red Cheek tried to claim victory, but chucked up, and fell in to an ethylic coma.
The audience was seized by panic. Red Cheek had never fainted before. The dwarves, altruistic and caring, brought her a stop-alcohol, hoping that she will come to.
Slowly, Red Cheek regain consciousness. And the first thing she saw was the brand of the stop-alcohol : “The Prince”. Her first kiss and true love was for this miraculous medicine.

Moral : Don’t drink so much if you aren’t sure a Prince is ready to fly to your rescue.