dairy of chris- the day after

Dear dairy i feel guilty, but not for the reason that everyone would think i will feel guilty for, my father just kill himself and i suppose to feel guilty for driven him to do that i should feel bad about not begin there for him but i don’t and for that i feel guilty. Its not that i didn’t loved my father i did with all my heart but i cant help but to keep thinking how he brought this on himself when he killed those soldiers when he laid about cussing their death and let another man take the blame instead of taking responsibility. I don’t know how we get our self into this greek tragedy me and my god need to solve things out. I have to help my mother to pull herself together but first i need to pull my self together how can both of them can be so selfish they didn’t know how this will affect us? they didn’t thought on all the consequence? I hope they thought they were do in us a favor because if they don’t they were more self centered then i thought. My beloved dairy i hope to bring you better news next time. P.s please don’t destroy yourself while Im gone );