My remarkable friend Aleks Stojanovic came to Kinnernet Italia. I was so happy to see him. He is a real friend. He once flew hundreds of miles just to drive around Berlin with me. On rented bikes. But that is a different story.

Usually Aleks and I laugh alot. But today he was serious. He was on a mission. He was teaching us how to read other people’s behavior. Especially when potential investors are in the vicinity. So…

Lesson Number One: When you see a VC seated like this, you can forget about getting  the investment.

This is another position which a VC might adopt in the case of complete boredom and distraction. So…

Lesson Number Two: When you see a VC seated like this, he or she probably couldn’t care less.

The VC may assume this body position after listening to your business model. This is not a good sign.

Lesson Number Three: When you see a VC seated like this, he or she probably thinks that you are full of beans. Or worse.

When you tell the investor that there are others interested in investing, he or she may adopt this smirkish facial expression. As if to say, “Only a complete idiot would consider investing in your scatterbrain idea.”

Lesson Number Four: When you see a VC with this facial expression, he or she hasn’t believed a single word you’ve said.

This facial expression is one of surprise. For example, when you tell the potential investor what you are thinking in terms of pre-money evaluation. He or she is probably thinking that it is outrageous.

If it is too low, the investor will make this expression anyway and try to get an even greater stake in your business.

Lesson Number Five: When you see a VC with this facial expression, he or she is interested, but not willing to invest without bargaining you down first.

This is the menacing expression that a VC might make if you beg to disagree. Even if you disagree with a VC, avoid showing it. Unless you want to get this kind of response.

Lesson Number Six: When you see a VC with this facial expression, run away or be prepared for litigation.

This is the expression made by VCs when you tell them that your mother-in-law has to be one of the directors.

Lesson Number Seven: When you see a VC with this facial expression, he or she may not be in total agreement with the terms.

In some instances, the potential investor may not show up at the meeting at all. This is not necessarily bad. It means that you will not have to be subject to their expressions. You may have to close down your start-up and fire your co-founders, but you will have avoided many of the body and facial expressions that VCs tend to make whether or not they eventually invest.

Lesson Number Seven: Life is short. If the investors don’t invest, go enjoy life. You won’t if they do.