Mel’s Ten Ways of Saying “No”

Say yes, but qualify it.

“Get together for coffee? Yes, by all means, let’s. I have a busy decade ahead, let me get back to you in 2030.”

Praise the idea, but..

“What a wonderful idea! Yes, I would be delighted to be your official hamburger counter in the festival. When did you say the festival takes place? Oh, how awful. I’m busy that exact weekend. Can you believe? That exact weekend.”

Say maybe.

“Maybe. I’ll check with the boss (my spouse/my Dad/my ouija board) and get back to you.”

Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.

“Let me get back to you on that” (but don’t)

Take the blame.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Blame the other party.

“Get together with you? After you called me a gnu at the zoo? You can go bark up another koala bear.”

Invoke religion.

I’m sorry, but the Torah/Bible/Koran doesn’t permit things like that.

Use your age as an excuse.

“Now you ask? Where were you fifty years ago?”

Invent a disease.

“I’ve come down with nigglingitis. No, it’s not a severe case, but I am staying away from human beings.”

Just say it.

“No.”