Conversations with Fudge – Fudge Gets a Wearable

Fudge: Hey, my birthday’s coming up soon. Got any ideas for a present?

Me: What do you mean? You just had a birthday two months ago!

Fudge: It’s a dog year birthday. I get seven of those a year. Remember? Life is so short when you’re a dog.

Me: Oh yeah. Well, then happy birthday Fudge! Want a toy bone for your birthday?

Fudge: Actually, I had something else in mind. I don’t know whether you noticed, but you’ve grown a bit during the last months, and I’m referring to growth of the chubby variety.

Me: I hadn’t noticed. What, you’re telling me I gained weight?

Fudge: Just a bit. And the thing is, so have I. Have a look at my stomach. It’s drooping a bit. Truth is I haven’t been getting enough exercise. And neither have you, boss.

Me: You want me to get one of those sports and health wearables?

Fudge: Yeah, for me, for my birthday.

Me: A wearable? For a dog? For you?

Fudge: Yeah, there is this new thing out called Dogsens. It allows you to track all my activities.

Me: All your activities?

Fudge: Well most of them, you know – health, exercise, stress, diet, malaise, you know.

Me: Fudge, I don’t have a wearable for myself. I should buy one for you?

Fudge:  Well, first of all, it is my birthday. Secondly, you keep saying that you love me. Thirdly, we can go out running. And finally, I can live till twenty if you take good care of me.

Me: And if I don’t?

Fudge: Well, you’ll have to pay thousands in medical bills as I keep coming down with various ailments that you could have avoided. Dogs get the same diseases as humans. You may even feel guilty.

Me: And?

Fudge: I’ll be nicer to you.

Me: How much nicer?

Fudge: A whole lot nicer. Here, see me licking your toes. Watch me, I’m going over to get your slippers. And I will bark really loudly when your mother-in-law comes over.

Me: OK I’m sold.

Fudge: You’re getting me a Dogsens?

Me: No, I’m returning this bark-to-voice app that let’s us communicate.

Fudge: What, we won’t be talking anymore?

Me: Just joking, Fudge. Of course I’ll get you the wearable.

Fudge:  Yippee! I’ll be the first dog on my block to have one!!!!

Me: No, Fudge, I’ll be the first dog-owner on the block to have one.

Fudge: Whatever works for you.

Me: Exactly.

The Real Fudg