Fudge: Hey, my birthday’s coming up soon. Got any ideas for a present?
Me: What do you mean? You just had a birthday two months ago!
Fudge: It’s a dog year birthday. I get seven of those a year. Remember? Life is so short when you’re a dog.
Me: Oh yeah. Well, then happy birthday Fudge! Want a toy bone for your birthday?
Fudge: Actually, I had something else in mind. I don’t know whether you noticed, but you’ve grown a bit during the last months, and I’m referring to growth of the chubby variety.
Me: I hadn’t noticed. What, you’re telling me I gained weight?
Fudge: Just a bit. And the thing is, so have I. Have a look at my stomach. It’s drooping a bit. Truth is I haven’t been getting enough exercise. And neither have you, boss.
Me: You want me to get one of those sports and health wearables?
Fudge: Yeah, for me, for my birthday.
Me: A wearable? For a dog? For you?
Fudge: Yeah, there is this new thing out called Dogsens. It allows you to track all my activities.
Me: All your activities?
Fudge: Well most of them, you know – health, exercise, stress, diet, malaise, you know.
Me: Fudge, I don’t have a wearable for myself. I should buy one for you?
Fudge: Well, first of all, it is my birthday. Secondly, you keep saying that you love me. Thirdly, we can go out running. And finally, I can live till twenty if you take good care of me.
Me: And if I don’t?
Fudge: Well, you’ll have to pay thousands in medical bills as I keep coming down with various ailments that you could have avoided. Dogs get the same diseases as humans. You may even feel guilty.
Fudge: I’ll be nicer to you.
Me: How much nicer?
Fudge: A whole lot nicer. Here, see me licking your toes. Watch me, I’m going over to get your slippers. And I will bark really loudly when your mother-in-law comes over.
Me: OK I’m sold.
Fudge: You’re getting me a Dogsens?
Me: No, I’m returning this bark-to-voice app that let’s us communicate.
Fudge: What, we won’t be talking anymore?
Me: Just joking, Fudge. Of course I’ll get you the wearable.
Fudge: Yippee! I’ll be the first dog on my block to have one!!!!
Me: No, Fudge, I’ll be the first dog-owner on the block to have one.
Fudge: Whatever works for you.
The Real Fudg