by kirito uzumaki
Copyright © 2017
One cold night in Hyde park, London, a mysterious cult was doing something mysterious…
A mysterious figure said: “Hello, my dear followers. Tonight we achieve a great feat. Tonight we conjure the great demon king Xephitoles!”
The crowd cheered. The sky turned red and the great demon soared above the land. The mysterious figure said: “Now my dear friends, we need a human sacrifice in order to satisfy our demonic overlord!”
One follower said: “But Grandmaster Ludicrous, who are we going to sacrifice?”
“You!”, Grandmaster Ludicrous replied in a dramatic manner. And within seconds, his body was torn to pieces and devoured by the great demon king Xephitoles.
Meanwhile at the offices of Lucifer & co exorcism…
“Hey Johnny! bring over the phoenix feather!”, shouted Lucifer.
Johnny replied: “Alright, Luci.”
Johnny was a young englishman from Manchester. His father was the best exorcist in the whole world. He died sealing Beelzebub in the realm of the undead.
Lucifer was, well, the Devil, the Beast named Drakoon, the Destroyer of Realms, the Corrupted Fallen Angel, the Lord of Hell, et cetera, et cetera…. we think you get it by now.
They met at Lucifer’s bar in NYC and then Johnny convinced Lucifer to open an exorcist office in Whitechapel with him. They quickly became the official consulters for the Scotland Yard Department for Paranormal Activities.
Suddenly, someone knocked on the door.
“Lucifer, open please, I’m busy now!”, shouted Johnny.
Lucifer replied: “You’re just smoking, dimwit.”
“You are a dimwit too.”, replied Johnny.
Lucifer opened the door.
A mysterious man in black yelled: “Pair of dimwits, we need your help!” “Agent Burns! Long time no see.”, said Lucifer, “When was the last time we met? I think it was when the Kraken attacked Wales”.
“What do you want this time?”, said Johnny angrily.
“It might have some connection with Beelzebub”, said agent Burns.
“Fine,” said Johnny, “we’ll do it”.
Two hours later… in the Scotland Yard Department for Paranormal Activities…
“So what did you say we’re here for?”, asked Lucifer.
“Some cultists summoned Xephitoles.”
Lucifer said: “Xephitoles? We went to Hell Army together, he was very cocky.”
Agent Burns asked: “How do we kill him?”
Lucifer answered: “It’s easy, all we need is a divine weapon. Fortunately our dear Johnny here has Archangel Raphael’s flaming sword.”
“And we have Beelzebub as backup.” said Burns.
“What the heck?!”, replied Johnny, “Beelzebub killed my old man! I refuse to work with him.”
Agent Burns said: “We know, but we have no choice, he came back a few days ago.”
”It’s fine, Johnny. If Beelzebub will try to harm you, it’s a one-way ticket straight back to hell.”, said Lucifer.
”Now let’s kill a demon!”, said agent Burns.
Xephitoles grew stronger with every single second that passed. He annihilated the London Eye and was on his way to Buckingham Palace (to destroy it, of course). At this point, thousands upon thousands of innocent people were running away screaming. Xephitoles arrived at Buckingham Palace and possessed one of the guards and then went inside, unleashed his giant form and blew up the whole place.
“The reports say that a giant monster is attacking Buckingham Palace.” said Burns.
“So… how are we gonna to get there in time?”, asked Johnny.
“I can teleport.”, replied Beelzebub with his demonic voice.
“Fine, teleport me to my office to take my sword and then to Buckingham Palace.”, said Johnny.
“We will meet you at Buckingham Palace in an hour.”, said Burns.
An hour later…
Buckingham Palace was shattered to a million pieces. The demon king was happy, unaware of his death that was to come shortly.
Suddenly Johnny landed on Xephitoles’s back and stabbed him with Raphael’s sword, and boom bang spadoooooshhhhhh!!! Everyone shouted “Wow!” and sighed in relief…
“Stop right there!”, said the Hollywood executive. “Steve and Steve, do you know what I think about this movie idea?”
“That it’s amazing?”, asked Steve. “That it’s wonderful?”, asked the other Steve.
“No it’s terrible! You’re fired!”, said the Hollywood executive.