Mel’s Ten Good Reasons to Smoke Cigarettes
Copyright © 2016
It’s a free world.
People need freedom. Freedom to be what they want to be, to do what they want to do. Hey, that’s what the ad says (it also says below that smoking kills, but it’s in Hebrew and hey, who reads Hebrew?).
2
Smoking is a great way to meet new friends.
You can get right up close to strangers who share the same habit.
4
The Government Needs Money.
Cigarettes are taxed heavily these days. And that’s a good thing. After all, how are governments going to build new bridges, roads, develop weapons and educate children about the dangers of smoking?
6
Beat the odds. Die Young. Get back at your insurance companies.
Insurance companies hate when people die young. Especially when the people who die are insured with them. So dying young is a great way to get back at those miserable capitalists.
8
Make the world a better place.
The world is overpopulated. Smokers die sooner. It’s a kind act of altruism to make way for the next generation.
10
Support employment
Tens of thousands of good, hard-working people support their families by growing tobacco and working at tobacco companies. Every time someone stops smoking, a good man or woman enters the circle of unemployment. You wouldn’t want that on your conscience, would you?
11
Statistics are just statistics
I have a chain-smoking aunt who is 97 years old. She runs marathons, drinks beer, swears and plays bridge. So who cares about statistics? I have great genes.
12
Believe in the future of medicine
By the time I get lung cancer, they will have found a cure.
13
I can always stop.
I can stop smoking anytime I want. I’ve already stopped four or five times. There’s nothing that can stop me from stopping. I’ll stop before it does any damage to my lungs. Before I get married. Before I have kids. Before I have grandchildren.
14
Don’t believe everything you read.
So what if scientists and phyisicans the world over think that smoking kills. People lie. The guy who wrote this book said there were only ten tips. There are twelve.
15
Published: Jun 26, 2016
Latest Revision: Apr 3, 2018
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Copyright © 2016
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